Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
