the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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