Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
