the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize