Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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