She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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