you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize