Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
