I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
