We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Who died my cat blue again?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
