If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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