im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
