i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
