Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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