all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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