how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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