...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize