I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
