his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
