It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
