It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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