Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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