Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
