So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
