I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
