i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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