# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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