he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
