I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
