I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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