So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
