If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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