I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Still dying that you shit outside
Drake has all the answers
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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