I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
