Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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