I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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