what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
