I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
