You're completely useless in the revolution.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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