Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
