And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
