i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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