i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
did i walk over a car last night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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