Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
