She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
