cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
zippers are such a cool invention
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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