I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
