need another drink. this is the easiest way
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
