drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
