You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
