Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
