I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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