i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
