Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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