WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
