Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
