Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
