Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
