i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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