there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
