I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
