awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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