It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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