Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
