The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
