he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sobbing to NWA
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
