i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
